Sample Chapter

CHAPTER 1

MAKING SENSE OF IT ALL

When these bizarre occurrences began, I questioned my sanity.

In spite of my recent separation, my daily life seemed normal. However, I was having a difficult time integrating what occurred in the early morning hours - traveling to distant planets - with my otherwise normal existence.

I needed to seek out others who shared experiencing this phenomenon. My sister was instrumental in locating a support group and I attended my first meeting, finding the woman who headed the group to be very caring and committed. After the first visit, she offered to hypnotically regress me. She indicated she had some limited experience in hypnosis. I consented because I wanted more details regarding my experiences and felt that hypnosis might enable me to get more details. On two different occasions, we attempted to go back to a precise event, but both attempts proved futile. As a result, I opted to not undergo any future hypnotic regressions. I am not, however, opposed to hypnosis; and, from what I have read on the subject, I feel it has benefited many.

I still felt that I needed legitimacy for, and an explanation of my experiences, which only a qualified professional could provide. I elected to visit with a psychologist after my first few "trips." Primarily, I chose to do so because I was still having a difficult time integrating this phenomenon into my daily life. I had no reference for selecting a professional, so I chose a state-licensed and certified clinical psychologistand hypnotherapist from the Yellow Pages of my telephone book. I contacted this therapist and briefly explained my desire to see him. I questioned his expertise in working with individuals who felt that they had been abducted. He advised me he had worked with others who have had experiences with this phenomenon and encouraged me to make an appointment. Almost immediately after meeting and talking with him, I realized his experience in this area was very limited. He finally admitted this. It turned out he had only one other patient undergoing this unique type of experience.

I was there and did not want to terminate the session. Possibly, I could still achieve some insight into the experiences I had been having. The doctor began by delving into my childhood in an attempt to find an explanation for these strange occurrences. He tried to tie the experiences to childhood sexual abuse and questioned me extensively about this. I replied that I had never been sexually abused as a child. He then questioned me about other areas of my childhood and my family life. I eXplained that we had problems not unlike most families; however, nothing so horrible had ever occurred that I felt I needed to make up stories or provide a mental escape from my childhood as he kept inferring. He then looked for patterns of abandonment that I may have suffered as a child. I explained that my mother and father worked, and certainly I missed them, but I was never abandoned. Next, he questioned my use of alcohol and drugs. I advised him that I have not taken drugs and that I only drank occasionally.

I could sense that he was growing perplexed because he could not find a clinical explanation for what I claimed to be experiencing. He continued unsuccessfully to look for a root cause for my accounts. His last attempt dealt with whether or not I believed in the Bible. I was not certain why he elected to pursue this line of inquiry, unless he felt that I might be a part of some religious cult. I responded that I strongly believed in God and his love for all of us. I had attended a Christian church for almost all of my life and firmly believe that nothing is greater than God's love. I also indicated that I believe in the Bible and the teachings of Jesus, but that much of the Bible is missing and that it has been interpreted many times over. I explained that just because this phenomenon is not mentioned in the Bible does not mean it is not real. "If this phenomenon occurred with individuals in Biblical times, how would they have been treated?" I wondered. I related that we are in the twentieth century but we are still closed-minded and tend to place labels on people who come forth with these types of experiences.

By now I noticed that the session had somehow shifted, and it was I who was trying to educate him and convince him to be more open minded to individuals who seek his help in this matter. Like my mother who had difficulty walking through the front door of the hotel which had barred her for so long, this professional refused to walk through the front door of this issue, and thus continued to place limits on himself. He remained restricted by his inability to at least consider the possibility that this is real.

Finally, he questioned my interest in the phenomenon. My response was that I consider this phenomenon interesting and that I was certainly curious. However, while I consider myself to be a creative person, I could not have made up these accounts. These experiences are well outside the scope of my imagination. I also emphasized that these were actual experiences, not dreams.I went on to explain that typically with dreams, one can wake up the next morning feeling somewhat rested. But instead, after each "trip," I experienced strange physical symptoms unlike anything I had ever experienced with dreams. I further explained to him that upon nearly every return, my body felt like a collection of molecules, which had not fully reformed back into its original state. Another way to describe this incredible feeling is to imagine an hourglass with sand in it. The collected sand at one end of the hourglass represents our physical body. While each tiny granule of sand is seeping through the small opening, the sand is not yet fully collected in the bottom part. When the sand completes its cycle and accumulates into one end of the hourglass, the process is considered complete. During each return back into my bed, I knew instinctively when I was not yet fully assembled or complete. When I felt myself fully collected, like the sand in the hourglass illustration, I knew I was back in physical form and could open my eyes. This was an actual process that occurred each time.

The other physical symptoms I experienced included disorientation, nausea, and sometimes an imbalanced feeling when attempting to walk. The strangest feeling that I experienced upon each return is an almost indescribable chill that literally penetrated every fiber of my being. In trying to describe this chill, I explained that my body felt as though it were a kitchen strainer with tiny small holes in it. Air penetrated through each small hole creating a bone chilling draft. This chill lasted for several moments during each return. The chill would permeate my body during its transition back into solid form. And the chill continued for minuteS after I was fully assembled. My bedroom temperature, however, remainedconstant and unchanged. It felt to me like no other chill I had ever experienced.

I also felt a type of vibratory, tingling sensation with each return. I do not believe that I can find words to describe the tingling feeling that went throughout my entire body. If a human's body is truly no more than atoms and molecules, then this best describes the tingling sensation. I felt like a collection of molecules reassembling into physical matter. Meanwhile, the doctor continued listening in quiet amazement and bewilderment. I feel he finally began to believe that I was actually having these strange occurrences; however, he seemed disappointed in his inability to provide a reasonable explanation for my experiences. I ended the session and left.

I regretted spending the time and money I had invested. It was obvious that this man was not trained to handle the types of experiences I have had. This encounter with a mental health professional who was inadequately prepared to handle situations such as mine made me wish that clinical psychology, counseling psychology, and psychiatry incorporate the means and conceptual framework into their training which would enable practitioners to counsel more effectively with abductees and contactees. The strangeness of a set of experiences does not negate the experiences themselves, nor does it reflect negatively on the experiencer. I am certain that not all professionals employ such methods as I underwent. I would deeply empathize with anyone going through what I had experienced. Like civil rights, our government may need to address this issue before the public as a whole will feel comfortable accepting its existence.

I greatly appreciate members of the support group who continue to provide complete acceptance and support, and probably provide more understanding than the majority of our mental health professionals.

I hope this book will help the reader understand that I am no different from any other person, including yourself or the neighbor next door. I have just been fortunate to have experienced some unique and interesting occurrences that I would like to share with you.